A reflective self-evaluation on how you react to feedback.
Criticism, even when it’s constructive, can bring up a variety of emotions and reactions. By understanding the patterns of how we process and respond to feedback, we can gain valuable insights into ourselves and take steps to grow. Use this guide to reflect on your tendencies and behaviors when faced with criticism, based on the cognitive appraisal system and psychological research.
Step 1: Reflect on Past Experiences
Think back to specific moments when you received feedback. Choose a mix of examples:
- One where you reacted positively and grew.
- One where the feedback left you feeling defensive or upset.
- One where you avoided or ignored the feedback.
Questions to Consider:
- What was the feedback about?
- Who gave it to you, and how did they deliver it?
- How did you feel immediately after receiving the feedback?
- What actions did you take (or not take) as a result?
Step 2: Identify Your Default Reaction
Based on the examples above, which of the following reactions do you most commonly experience?
- Defensive Response
- Signs: Justifying your actions, feeling criticized personally, arguing back, or shutting down the conversation.
- Why It Happens: You may perceive the feedback as a threat to your abilities or self-worth.
- Example Thought: “They don’t understand how much effort I’ve already put in.”
- Motivated Learner
- Signs: Seeing the feedback as an opportunity to improve, seeking more details, or proactively addressing the feedback.
- Why It Happens: You appraise the feedback as a challenge that aligns with your goals.
- Example Thought: “This is a chance for me to grow and do even better.”
- Shut Down
- Signs: Avoiding the feedback, withdrawing emotionally, or dismissing it entirely.
- Why It Happens: The feedback feels overwhelming or triggers self-doubt, leading to inaction.
- Example Thought: “I’ll never be good at this, so why even try?”